How To Discuss Estate Planning With Adult Children

When it comes to money, most families would rather talk about almost anything else—the weather, a neighbor's lawn, last night's game—before sitting down to discuss wills and inheritance. But avoiding the topic won't make it go away. If anything, it makes the inevitable conversations harder.

Estate planning isn't just about who gets what. It's about clarity, dignity and ensuring your wishes are carried out smoothly when the time comes. And while drafting a will or creating a trust are crucial first steps, the real peace of mind comes from talking openly with your adult child about what's inside.

Here's a practical, step-by-step guide to making that conversation less daunting and more productive—for you and your family.

1. Start the Conversation To Avoid Future Surprises

No one likes to be blindsided, especially when emotions are running high. Talking through your estate plan now helps prevent misunderstandings later. Your child will know exactly what to expect and why you made certain decisions, which can reduce confusion or resentment down the line.

Equally important: It prepares them for future responsibilities. Whether your child is named executor, trustee or health care proxy, knowing the role in advance gives them time to ask questions and gain confidence.

2. Pick the Right Moment and Setting

Timing is everything. Don't drop this conversation like an anchor at Thanksgiving dinner. Instead, look for calmer waters: a quiet afternoon, a coffee date or perhaps a milestone moment like your retirement.

Some families prefer to gather everyone at once, while others find separate talks more effective. The key is choosing a setting where people feel comfortable, unrushed and open.

3. Organize Your Paperwork Beforehand

Think of this talk like showing your child the “owner's manual" to your estate. Before you sit down, gather your documents: wills, trusts, powers of attorney, health care directives, insurance policies. Knowing you have everything in order not only streamlines the conversation, but also signals to your child that you've thought through the details.

You don't need to lay out every dollar and cent. But offering a clear sense of what exists, where it's stored and whom to contact is a tremendous gift, as it leaves your loved ones with a road map rather than a scavenger hunt.

4. Cover the Key Points

Your child doesn't need a crash course in probate law, but they do need the essentials:

• The basics: Your will, trusts (if any), power of attorney and health care proxy.
• Where things live: Is your will in a safe-deposit box? Is there a password-protected digital vault? Provide clear instructions.
• Roles and responsibilities: Who's the executor? Who holds power of attorney? Make sure your child understands what these roles entail.
• Special considerations: From charitable gifts to sentimental keepsakes, share your intentions clearly.

Think of this as providing the “table of contents" to your estate, not the entire book. Your family will appreciate knowing what matters without being buried under details.

5. Tackle Sensitive Issues Head-On

Here's where the road can get bumpy. Maybe you've chosen unequal distributions among children. Or perhaps naming a trustee stirs up old family rivalries. These aren't just financial matters—they're emotional land mines.

Address them directly, with empathy. If one child is receiving more because you've already supported another financially, explain it gently. If you're concerned about potential conflicts, acknowledge them.

Encourage questions. Let your child share concerns, and give space for their emotions, which can include grief, guilt or even humor. After all, estate planning isn't just about dividing assets; it's about relationships.

6. Keep the Dialogue Going

Life is a moving target. Babies are born, laws change, houses are sold. That's why estate experts suggest reviewing your plan every few years or after major life events.

Let your child know this isn't a one-and-done chat. Invite them to check in with you if they have questions in the future. Keeping communication open normalizes the topic and ensures no one feels shut out.

7. Know When To Bring in a Professional

Sometimes, bringing in a neutral third party can calm the waters. An estate planning attorney or financial advisor can explain technical terms, mediate tough dynamics and confirm everything is legally sound.

If your estate is complex—multiple properties, business ownership or blended families—professional guidance is essential.

8. Don't Wait for the 'Perfect' Moment

If you're waiting for the perfect time, you may never find it. The truth is, the best time is before health issues or crises force the conversation. Starting now means you can be thoughtful, clear-headed and calm—and it gives your child time to process everything.

Protect Your Legacy

Talking about your estate plan with your adult child may never top the list of fun family activities. But it doesn't have to be a dreaded one, either. With preparation, empathy and openness, it can become one of the most meaningful conversations you'll have.

And remember: Estate planning isn't only about tomorrow—it's about making sure today's financial habits support your future. Reviewing your savings, retirement accounts and emergency fund can be just as important as putting names in a will. A well-planned estate, after all, starts with a well-planned life.

LEARN MORE: Navigating the Complexities of Passing Generational Wealth