TABLE OF CONTENTS(HIDE)
Moving in together or getting engaged is an exciting milestone, and it can also mark the start of serious financial discussion. There's no right or best way to handle money as a couple, and having open conversations early on can help you build trust, avoid misunderstandings and figure out what system works best for you.
With that in mind, here are five questions and discussion topics to get you started. You might set aside one long morning or afternoon for this discussion or schedule several "money dates" for the coming weeks.
1. How Do You Feel About Saving and Spending Money?
Your upbringing, culture, personal experiences and personality traits can all impact how you feel about earning, saving and spending money.
If you haven't considered your money mindset before, this may be a good opportunity for introspection. There are numerous guides and books with thorough exercises, but here are a few questions to get you started. (You could also do this with your partner to see where you align and differ.)
- How does thinking about money make you feel?
- Did your family discuss money growing up?
- Who managed the finances in your family?
- How does saving and spending make you feel?
- What motivates you to earn, save and spend money?
- What does financial success look like to you?
Your money mindsets and attitudes will shape the rest of your conversations and actions. Understanding where each of you comes from can be important for having productive conversations and drawing on each other's strengths.
READ MORE: How to Have Productive Money Talks with Your Partner
2. Should We Combine Some or All of Our Savings?
One of the major conversations most couples have is whether they'll manage their money separately or combine part or all of their finances. The hybrid approach can take several forms.
For example, each person might contribute the same (or a proportionate) amount of their income to a shared savings account. Or both partners' incomes could flow into a shared account, and then each person would receive a set (or proportionate) amount in their individual accounts. The big difference is whether extra income goes into individual or shared accounts.
Your preferred method can depend on your money mindset, and it might change over time. You may also need to rethink everything as your household changes, perhaps because one person's parents need help or you become a single-income household.
READ MORE: What is a Joint Account and How Does a Joint Bank Account Work?
3. How Will We Manage Retirement Planning?
The individual or separate discussion could be complicated by your retirement savings plans. Retirement accounts, such as 401(k)s and IRAs, are always individual accounts, but you'll still want to consider whether you view retirement savings goals as individual or shared.
For example, will each of you get to retire based on your individual savings in the future? Or are you both individually setting aside money with a plan to retire at the same time? You might not have the answers yet, but they're still good questions to bring up early on.
Also, consider how each of your retirement benefits could impact your decision. For instance, if one person can't afford to contribute enough to their retirement account to receive the maximum employer match, you could try to work out a new way to split bills to make it possible.
READ MORE: How to Avoid Retirement Planning Risks for Couples
4. Can We Get Out of Debt?
It can be uncomfortable to talk about debt, particularly when you have a lot more or less debt than your partner. But being transparent about what you owe can be just as important as discussing how you'll split your savings. Making debt-payoff plans early can also create a more trusting and successful financial partnership. To start:
- Make a list of all your debts, the monthly payments and the interest rates.
- Discuss what led to each of the debts.
- Decide whether you'll pay off debts individually or together.
You can also consider different strategies for paying off debt. For example, if you're going to combine finances anyway, you might be able to jointly apply for a personal loan with a low interest rate and use the money to pay off higher-rate credit card debt.
READ MORE: Financial Decisions That Couples Need to Discuss
5. What Major Expenses Should We Start Saving For?
After focusing on savings and debt, it's time to come up with a mix of major expenses that are practical and fun, such as your:
- Wedding
- Honeymoon
- Emergency fund
- New car
- Down payment for a home
- Bucket-list vacation
Decide which of the savings goals you want to prioritize today, and make a plan for following through. Perhaps an emergency fund could be a good place to start. You could set up a joint high yield savings account with automatic monthly transfers. Or if you have a longer-term goal, you might look into an investment account.
READ MORE: Is Your Relationship Ready for a Joint Bank Account?
Figure It Out Together, One Conversation at a Time
Managing your finances together is an ongoing process, not a one-time event. It's normal for it to take weeks or even months to find your rhythm. So treat your initial plan as a trial run. Set a date to check in on what's working, what's not and where you want to go next.
At the end of each money talk, take a few minutes to reflect. Or, if emotions are running high, agree to revisit the conversation the next day with clearer heads.
If you feel stuck, consider calling in backup. A financial planner or advisor can help you refine your strategy, while a financial coach or therapist can support the emotional side of money decisions—especially when you're trying to get on the same page.
The goal isn't perfection—it's progress, shared goals and a growing sense of partnership. Keep showing up for each other, and for the life you're building together.The goal isn't perfection—it's progress, shared goals and a growing sense of partnership. Keep showing up for each other, and for the life you're building together.
READ MORE: You Married a Spender. Now What?
You may also like
