When Josh Hastings was about to get married, he traded in his paid-off car for a new $37,000 truck—a story he shares on his blog, Money. Life. Wax. Needless to say, his soon-to-be wife was not pleased.
For Hastings, it was an important lesson in how money can influence a relationship. The blowback ultimately led him to change his attitude toward talking about money with his partner. “My wife and I have this philosophy: Couples that do money together stay together,” says Hastings. “Trust, honesty, and accountability are all words that we use in our marriage and when we factor our finances together.”
Maybe you talk about money every day – or fight about money every day. Maybe you’re the primary breadwinner in the relationship or you brought in the biggest load of debt—or both. But chances are that whatever your financial situation, you and your partner could have healthier conversations about money – and experts say starting those talks earlier can help you avoid surprises and misunderstandings later on.
LEARN MORE: Start building your financial foundation together with a Synchrony High Yield Savings Account.
“I worked with a couple who had entirely different ideas about what it meant to be financially successful together,” says Erika Rasure, Ph.D., an assistant professor in the online MBA in financial services program at Maryville University. “There was so much resentment and contempt for money choices, which is essentially poison to a relationship. Marriage takes work, yet the influence of money hang-ups is underestimated.”
So if you’re ready to broach the subject of money with your partner, follow these pointers for making an often tense topic less stressful.
Take a look back
Why it matters: Early money habits shape the way you and your partner make financial decisions today. You already know if your partner grew up rich, poor or somewhere in between, but how was money handled in their household? What financial lessons were given? What about your background? You can gain insight into your partner’s financial behavior and beliefs — and your own — when you understand how money was earned, spent, saved and discussed as you were both growing up.
Put judgments aside
Why it matters: Creating a safe space makes it easier for both of you to speak openly about spending, saving and financial stress.
Aim to create a safe space where you and your partner can both be heard and valued, Rasure says. Acknowledge the emotions that crop up around paying the bills, spending and saving. Focus on the fact that you’re a team working toward the same goals — so it’s time to work like a team.
Tell the truth
Why it matters: Being honest about past money mistakes builds trust and helps you move forward together.
Be honest if you’ve struggled with overspending — or if your partner has more debt than they originally shared.
READ MORE: Is Your Relationship Ready for a Joint Bank Account?
Seek help if necessary
Why it matters: A neutral third party can keep discussions productive when emotions run high. If you get stuck and can’t seem to resolve your financial issues on your own, involve a financial counselor. A counselor can help you establish your goals, keep the conversations productive and provide a third opinion.
Look ahead
Why it matters: Shared financial goals give you a roadmap for how you’ll save, spend and plan your future as a team.
Discuss your financial goals. Do you both know what you’re saving for? Do you agree? Prioritize your goals and how you’ll tackle debt. Plan ways to fulfill your goals, whether you want a vacation fund, a house fund or a baby fund.
As you outline your goals, consider opening a Synchrony High Yield Savings Account to support your shared plans.
Keep at It
Why it matters: Ongoing check-ins help you stay aligned, adjust to changes and strengthen your financial partnership over time.
Your shared finances should be an ongoing dialogue. Set up regular times to check in about spending, saving and how your goals may be evolving. Make sure you have access to all your financial statements or balances during your money dates, and choose a place that’s free of distractions and offers privacy.
Work Together
Talk about how you create your household budget, how you track spending and how you’ll save toward your goals. If day-to-day considerations are in good shape, move on to bigger goals, such as saving for your kid’s college education and retirement. What does retirement look like for each of you, and do your visions match up?
“I highly recommend an annual report, where there is an actual document entirely produced by both spouses that highlights key financial info: net worth, retirement account balances, future short-term and long-term goals,” Rasure says. “Make it light — have a glass of wine and lay it all out. It can be a huge source of conflict, but it doesn’t have to be.”
Once you’re talking openly and honestly and your goals are aligned, it may feel less like you and your spouse are fixing your money problems and more like you’re working toward solutions. Even if you keep some accounts separate, setting a shared budget — and using a joint account or another system for key household expenses — can help you manage bills together, divide costs fairly and stay on the same page about money.
Managing money together isn’t about perfection — it’s about progress, communication and building a financial future that reflects both of your values. Every conversation brings you closer to shared goals and a stronger partnership.
READ MORE: What is a Join Account and How Does a Joint Bank Account Work?